Day One for the planning…

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Hello to all and thank you for the feedback I have been getting, it really helps to know that there are people out there supporting you. Those days where you feel like ignoring the world and stay in bed, it is the thought that you have to do an update that gets you moving. I found this beautiful map it found on the net and I am going to use it as a plan for what and how I am going to plan my recovery.

I received an outpatient appointment for the Neurology Health Service Centre Clinic at my hospital on Monday for one pm. I am very excited as I was told that I would get one of these within four weeks of my coma. I have decided that I am going to make it as date out (weekend picnic) event. By the time I get back, I will have walked about 6k’s so while I may be sore and very tired I will have done good that I can put in my daily journal.

My daughter is going to get me a hair day so I can lose the grey tones, and also keep a challenge going for me by having a reward by the end of this beasty as an incentive. So being able to start with a new challenge for each week and me having a reason to get up and actually do something constructive.

I am going to keep my journal that is separate from my feeling one so that I have it with me at all times and when I think I am going off my weight loss, reinvent myself markers. I have photos of me in my favour comfort outfit – “I am feeling sorry for me t-shirts so I will be able to track my progress. 

Well, that is it for day one as I did not have that much to report (work up with a serve headache), so I have my day set up for tomorrow. Thank you for reading to the end. I hope that you are having a nice weekend. 

Welcome back to the World!

A cheerful hello to all and a big hug extended to those who sent their support and helpful words to me. I have decided to begin by getting my body back into shape as my first activity. One task at a time is all I can cope with at the moment, so that is it as all this pressure I can force onto my body. 

I have been reading about people who have come back from medical problems that are far worst then what I am looking at. I have been adjusting to what the medical profession are having problems with identifying. I have not got any way to fix it, I have no name to attach to it, However, now that the doctors have a name for the possible illness and that it can range from single to severe, and that I can really do things to reduce the impact that it has on my body.

I have always been a proactive person that started at the age of five with the Vietnam war and going out with the adults to try to stop it and also to try and get the Aboriginal people the right to vote and be viewed as citizens. I have always been one to not be scared to stand against any authority that thinks they have the right to undermine those who simply want to have their views treated as real.

AAODDS-Against-All-Odds-EXCLUSIVE-Meet-Katja-Kremenic-20-290x290I have decided that I am going to act out the way I use to advise my students and youth when life decided to try them. I can not believe that I have wasted nearly a year of my life feeling sorry and scared just because I was scared I was going to done before I got to do what I wanted to do. 

I have missed all that time doing nothing but feeling sorry for myself because there was not a group to help me find my way back…I am that person and have been for years, so it is time to stop feeling sorry for myself and work my way one step at a time.

So I am going to get fit and thin and fine with an eating habit that suites me, I can not believe how many different styles there are. I am also going to visit a physiologist as I have heaps of damage in my back, shoulders, spine. My doctor also thinks that I could use a water gym sessions. The best bit of this is that I am down to 102kgs and last year when I had that turn I was 122kgs so I am heading in the right direction.

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So oven the next months you are going to get the first hand as I rediscover myself and rebuild myself into someone I can be proud of. A person that may not be able to work again but one that can help with those who are going through what I have just spent the past twelve months going through. It is so funny that I was frightened of dying that I did not do anything I had wanted to because I was so scared that this was the truth. It was so odd when you lose nine days and no one can tell you why?

I would like to thank everyone who has been reading my blog to date and does not worry about leaving wonderful help. I know I will not have all good time but I am going to focus on the good thing and ignore the negative. Thank you and have a great day/night.

 

 

When and where are the goals…

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Eight ways to find the true passion in life that has eluded you

  1. Ask yourself these three simple questions. Finding your passion could be easier than you think. ..
  2. Don’t presume that your passion should be your job. …
  3. Work out what you hate doing. …
  4. Find the things you are mediocre at. …
  5. Forget the ‘Eureka!’ …
  6. Remember what you loved doing as a child. …
  7. Create something brand new. …
  8. Try visualisation.

I am saying a wonderful hello to all and I am most thankful for all the sweet feedback that I got for my last blog. It has been most uplighting and I really light the fact that you have cared enough to care.

I have to still see my doctor about the spinal x-rays so I can find out what is wrong for the bones. I had to go to a full week of tutoring about how to put a business email together. I have been so sore it really has taken everything I have out of me. 

Tha Doctors here at the hospital have reason to think that I have gastritis, cholecystitis, and or glioma, so I have to go to have more test before they can decide with it is and how to treat it. It is a range for gentle to serious but the basic line is I am not meant to work.

So at the moment, I am in no man’s land and I am not sure I am coping with it. I am so worried that I will die before someone can fix me up. I will not go back into the workforce as my doctor has said that all have a monitorinng period of 3 to 8 years. I am going to have a look around for a support group that I can hook up with. Again I really appreciate your support and advice on how I should cope.

Back on Line…

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Hello to all and I am sorry for the break in chatting. I have had some problems with my thinking process. I hope that life has been treating you all with lots of love and joy.

I have been having lots of problems with my moods and learning to get back to being able to remember anything or organise myself with simple tasks that are considered as early childhood task. I went to the hospital last week as I really was going to go off and finish it ..I can not deal with any of this, I am dyslexic, have an abused childhood, marriage and I have managed to overcome all this to get hit with this now. I really get the idea that something wants me to feel as if I have a crime to pay for it. 

I have an appointment to go and see a specialist next week and the hospital have a file for me, so I just have to call them and they have to take me to the hospital. I just feel like I have been naughty and am being punished, but I do not know what reason?

I am going to write a proper blog tomorrow after I have finished doing some housework. I fell so bad because I have not even opened the computer until lunchtime yesterday. I just do not feel as if I can not cope with anything. Thank you for reading this, I really do appreciate it.

Dreaming is too scary…

Hi to you and I hope that your day is wonderful. I have had a good day reading other bloggers words on their terror from dreams that they have experience, and without sounding like I am horrid it is a comfort to know that others go through what I am going through. 

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My daughter and I had a serious discussion last night where she told me straight that I have always been a strong person and that this weaken shell who can not do anything is like a stranger to her. She had told me that I must treat me as if I am one of her clients and act as I would for them. She is right, and if I had me come in as one of the kids I assisted, the first thing I would do is get them to work through to the event and were the first sign began. For me, it was after the 9-day coma and I have just not been the same – loss of language base, loss of feelings, brain impairment (left-hand side)  and having great problems remembering a variety of other things. So at the end of the chat and looking through what others do with the problem, and they go to the local mental health centre to get real help so they can then sort out the rest. This time I will just have until the doctors tell me that I can go.

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I have used all the energy I have for today and am going to have a little sleep. Thank you for taking the time to read my thoughts on this Friday. I hope your weekend will treat you well. 

 

Asking for help and meaning it!!!

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A happy hello and I hope that your day has been your friend. I have had one of my off days with the fibro giving the rest of my body a ‘not do that today…’ orders. 

It is so difficult to keep myself motivated and finding reasons to get up and try to get through the day.  It was bad enough when I just had the fibro but now I have a list of possible complaints that no one has an answer for and I am just left to deal with it until the medical profession work their way through it.

I am doing all that I have been asked to do – watch what I eat, exercise, try to stay happy but nothing stops that days/weeks like this. I am so down that I think I will go to a mental health clinic until we have this sorted out properly this time. I have always been of the mindset that if I do not stay long then it is not that bad. However to lose my hold on the language, basic skills, not being able to read, in short, my fine skills I really do need help. I do not know what damage the turn in October did but I certainly need proper help to fi it and the ego can take a holiday whilst I repair the brain.

I am one who has always been able to manage everything on her own, but now it is very restricted and it makes me aggressive, moody and depressed. I keep thinking that if I ask for extended help that people will think that I have something seriously wrong with me, therefore it is me and not anything else. I am currently sitting here in tears because I do not know how to go next. I have a course for the job agency (which will be a problem because of my bone joints), I want to just walk away to never be found again, and all because at 56 I should not be like this. I am going to say goodnight to all and I hope that your tomorrow is happy and blessed. 

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Please don’t roll your eyes.

A cheerful hello to you and I hope that your day has been a wonderful one for you. I have been reading much on the internet as the people who want me to look for a job deem this a being active in job seeking. I am a little stumped has to how they are going to get those done. I am more than qualified to return to the workforce if you just look at the qualifications, it is the medical issues that are stopping it.

I don’t usually tell people I have fibromyalgia because this admission is usually accompanied by the eye roll or the laugh that states very clearly I am just too lazy to work. Fibro is a unique illness in which many people, including physicians, think we’re making it up. I have lost count of the number of times I have had doctors tell me fibromyalgia doesn’t exist, and this includes the medical profession. It’s all in our heads because we really need to get counseling, or are simply looking for drugs.

People living with fibro are often treated like depressed slackers looking for opiates. A conversation with a new physician can go like this:

  • Doctor: “What brings you to the office today?”
  • Patient: “I’m hoping you can treat my fibromyalgia.”
  • Doctor: “Fibromyalgia, hmm.” (Rolls eyes.)

 

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It was not until I had my turn that I actually got the medical profession to treat me as a real patience. Sadly all it has done for me is add to the possible problems I can have. My coma was eight days and I have no memory, I was a home chatting with a friend and woke up nine days later. I have lost many skills and I had three outs where the staff had to rescue me and did not think I would come back. Since I have left the hospital I cannot do things for myself such as read, write, visit places (am really terrified of all) and it does not help because I look so normal.

I have found that doctors don’t like to deal with fibro because there is no cause, and no real treatment either. It’s difficult for them to figure out if your back pain is something there’s a test for, or is it “just fibromyalgia?” Are you having a heart attack or is it “just fibromyalgia?” Do your joints ache because you have a “real” illness, or is just fibromyalgia or is it brain matter or is it “just fibromyalgia?” New symptoms often get dismissed and go untreated because it’s “just fibromyalgia.”

Patients with fibro experience many of the same symptoms of other illnesses. Our sensory nervous system has gone haywire. We experience extreme, debilitating pain and fatigue all the time, every day. Everything hurts from the top of our scalp to the bottoms of our feet. Simply wearing clothes can cause excruciating pain. Some people don’t believe this is possible, so they give us the eye roll. When bright lights, loud noises, or crowds are so irritating to our nervous system that we need to go home, or we turn down an invitation to go out, we get that eye roll. We might feel like going out, but after taking a shower and getting dressed, sometimes there is no energy left to actually leave the house. Our social lives consist of doctor visits and trips to the pharmacy.

Cognitive function and memory are affected. We can’t find the right words for things. Recently I have found that I have a new problem and that is with needing to saying something to a person and I just can not do it, my head has the message but I can not get it out. Trying to hold an intelligent conversation can be quite a chore. Words you say to us can get jumbled up as well. Your words can sound like abstract babbling that makes no sense. If we don’t answer you right away, we’re not ignoring you, we’re trying to figure out what you’re saying! We may ask you the same question over and over again because we can’t remember the answer. We may stop talking altogether until our jumbled brain reboots itself.

Our digestive systems are often out of control. Frequent, unexpected diarrhea is a problem, as well as horrible constipation that lasts for weeks. People living with fibromyalgia always need to know where the nearest bathroom is because we never know\when that dam is going to break.   

A fibro warrior’s anxiety and depression can be extremely difficult. Along with the myriad of other symptoms we live with, we also deal with the social stigma of mental illness. Mental illness is a physical illness. It is one I have managed to hide from all but with the way my life is now I think I am going to have to put my hand up for more than the two weeks where I could get myself back on an even level. I am just so confessed and really think that ending it all because then it will not be a problem anymore.

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Living (I could keep them hidden) with these symptoms for decades leaves us physically and emotionally exhausted. We often need to give up our careers, our social lives, and time with our families. We worry about how we will put up with the pain and fatigue one more day, how we will take care of our children, how we will have enough money to survive when we can’t work. Friends and spouses sometimes leave because they can’t handle our illness. We often can’t leave the house for days or weeks at a time. We are bored and lonely.

Fibromyalgia is an invisible autoimmune disease that also makes us susceptible to other autoimmune diseases. We experience extreme pain and fatigue like many other “respected” diseases. People with fibromyalgia deserve the same level of respect given to the “real” illnesses. We are not lazy. We are not making it up to get out of work. We are not drug seeking. We are not “crazy.” We deserve not to be stigmatized by society because they can’t understand what it’s like to live with fibromyalgia. Please don’t roll your eyes.

Again thank you for joinginng me for my little ranting blog and I hope that you have have a wonderful day. 

I am going to be BRAVE!

137107118037A wonderful hello to all and I hope that your day/evening has been kind to you. I have had a busy day as I had to go to the job network centre so that they can prepare me for the workforce. I had a little internal giggle as the young person looking after me could easily be my child. He covered all the possible jobs I could put in for – I had to stop him when we got to retail, as I most certainly do not have the personality to cope with this sort of job. Please do not get me wrong I admire retailer staff greatly and I am always very polite and cheerful as I know the garbage that they are subjected to, and this is why I could not do it – I would end up hitting a customer with their bag of goodies.

I did remind him that I am still under serious medical care who do not want me returned to the workforce until they give me a full clearance as they may decide that I cannot be capable to work again, at which time my case worker told me that all it takes is a positive attitude…I had to honestly bite my tongue to stop the real full-on laughter. I did not give him any flak as he is just doing his job as he was trained to do it but honestly, you think that the government would give these younger people a better training so that they can handle unemployed better. 

I honestly do feel sorry for the younger ones coming through, we learned via on the job training and now it is all via extern away from the actual workplace, then just dropped in and ‘good luck with that’. My skills on the computers are not brilliant (I know how to turn it on and off) but if I am in a classroom with my students and I have one of my students ask a question I can not answer there will always be a fellow student who can, so we share knowledge. It is an old technique that we are losing which is a shame.

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I like it when I have my full days out even when it means I am bedridden the next day, I get to watch people and study them. I am not one to sit in judgment of anyone but the writer in me loves to see the difference in how a person acts given the same set of circumstances. It is one of the best ways I have taken my mind from the pain. 

I look back over my life and what I have hidden in the closet, covered up by those skills I have with my mind to create a tale where it is not me but a character. I now think I have to agree with my doctor and I need to ask for PROPER care to give the demons, monsters, and evils their marching orders. I will then be in a place where I can recreate the ME I want to be. No, I do not know what that is yet because I have always had to share my mind with other tenants so it will be a challenge, but it is far better than what I am doing at the moment…one week in care, the therapist for a couple of weeks then repeat.

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So at the end of it all, I have decided to stop planning games, face up to the truths that have been with me for a least nine months (epilepsy, stroke and not sure what else), and from seventeen years old, depression, anxiety, and most likely major issues from childhood abuse.  It is only be admitting it is there can I get rid of it and learn to live a life I want to.

I am not too sure how the English are on this one as I have had a full day and I find it better for me if I can get it out whilst it is in my head. If I go back to make sure that the English are correct I begin to fix up mistakes and lose what is in my head. Enjoy your tomorrow xx

Mother’s Day!

images (3)A cheery hello to all and I hope that your weekend has been wonderful. I have been in bed for most of the day as I have a migraine but I am over the worst of it so now I get to annoy you!!!  Today’s Mothers Day but I am one of those odd creatures that raised her offspring with the belief that as offspring you should treat you Ma as if Mother’s Day is every day. To all those out there that care for our younger generation, thank you for the wonderful job you do and know that it really is appreciated.

I am going to the workshop tomorrow, my hearing test on Tuesday and I think I will go to the hospital to see if they can admit me for the tense care. I think that the bodily healing will happen at a better rate after I get my brain back to where it should be. I am going from one spot to another without any idea as to what I am doing. To quote one of the Doctors’ from the Wagga hospital “I am one very lucky lady as I should not have made it back from the coma”.  The person the ambo’s brought into the hospital was in traumatic care, an array of other problems, so the fact that I am still here is a big bonus. I simply need to adjust to getting myself into a working person. Step one is that I need to get my mind into a working order or as best as I can.

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I am like so many people out there who have raised children or are raising kids, it is a 24/7 job and very thankless. You get one thing wrong, and everyone is very critical but the bonus job is no thanks for just how good you are doing. Your young ones start to show negative or anti-social behaviour and it is a credit to your poor parenting. I know that I have a collection of mental issues I should have sorted out prior to my turn, but with the extra health problems I do not have any chose anymore I need to fix them up.

I have been given a second shot at this so I could not waste it, just work done according to the importance of my skills. I have used Mother’s Day as my day to decide where I want to and work my way to play Mother for me. I had a good brain and a great selection of skills which the medical staff will help me recover some of them. The medical staff that I can get someone and get other parts of the brain to learn how to do what is missing, but it will be hard work. My GP has told me that once I have that fixed I can move on to the body repairs. So it is a slow step but going to happen.  

Thank you for your time and I hope that you tomorrow is wonderful.

14100468_988886864567251_3297868999696394126_nMe with my two darlings.

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