Learning to love it all again!

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Hi to all and I am sorry for not doing a blog yesterday but the weather here has been playing havoc with the internet service. I hope that all is good with you and that the week has been treating you with kindness.

I am off to see my psychologist tomorrow and am actually looking forward to it as I want to start to put a plan in place. I feel that at the moment, and I have given it plenty of thought over the past fortnight, I think just focusing on my food intake is a little like letting me take baby steps. I am four weeks away from 56 and I have faced bigger challenge then this and overcome them, so I am not going to take the easy option this time. 

I am determined to get my weight off and get back to my fifty-two kilos, I may look too thin but that is the correct weight for my body and my bones will be able to carry the flesh, so it will reduce the pain and allow me to build up the muscle so I can actually exercise correctly. I can be one very stubborn lady when I make up my mind and as my body and my brain have been great buddies for about fifty odd years they get on pretty well.

Until the medical profession actually find out what is really wrong with me I do have certain restrictions on what I can do but my eating habits and foods, walking, exercise bike riding, yoga and relaxation music to assist me to go to sleep and help me get the required amount of sleep for good health, will certainly make me feel as if I am heading in the right direction.

I have my relaxation activity, knitting my blanket for winter, needlework such as long stitch, embroidery, my writing, blogging, and of course painting. After what I did in the mental health unit, I really do want to see if I have a natural skill and what it is. I have been looking and there are so many different forms of painting, I certainly prefer the acrylics, but you can do the real-life scene to abstract, so I am going to play with that and see if I have any real skill.

I know that I have now got to the stage were I MUST do something EVERYDAY, it does not have to be raising a building but make sure that I shower, eat, exercise, write, and listen to my relaxing music (maybe yoga) but I need to stop feeling sorry for myself and start to push myself. Yes I did have a turn that left me in a coma for nine days and yes I nearly died but I did not. There are people who are not that lucky and I am sitting here using it as an excuse to not do anything. So I know that I have to aim toward what I need to be to get back to the best possible health I can gain.

I have had anxiety and depression for most of my life and it has not stopped me from doing what I wanted to do, it is just that this time I have to make me the focus and ignore the negative feelings I am directing back in toward myself. Yes, I have a notebook that I am using for the negative ideas, quotes, images and all the other things that go with you hating yourself. I am hoping that if I transfer them to the book then I do not keep them in my head or heart and I can function a little better.

Well thank you for reading all my chatter today but I feel as if I am getting better little by little, I know it is not an overnight cure but every step forward is wonderful and something to be really proud of. Have a wonderful day or evening depending on where you are in the world and I will chat with you tomorrow. xx

20-Butterfly

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