My journey to self-discovery!

 

Ein fröhliches Hallo, A Cheerful Hello in German (I hope), in keeping with my decision to try to keep my life heading in a more productive direction I have decided to try something new each day. Today I have been looking at history in German and seeing which words keep repeating so that I will be able to recognise them. It has been an enjoyable activity and a challenge, so I have not given myself the chance to slip into my depressive mindset.

I hope that you are having a happy and productive day or evening, and you are feeling good about everything. I am still having the ups and downs and feeling as if I am of no use but I am feeling better as I line up a direction in which I want to head. I think the biggest issue is the I have been so independent and have never had to ask for help and now I have so many problems doing everything. 

When I look back over my life I have never really asked anyone for any form of help, I would just go ahead and do as I please and deal with the fall out of any bad result. When I was little it was my job to look after my brother and sisters which I did without support. At school, with my problems, I would draw attention away from them by misbehaviour. When I started work I was the first and for a little while the only female in my industry (male industry), so my behaviour was never an issue. 

After I got married and fell pregnant I still worked but once I had the baby I stopped going into the factory and did it from home. My husband left after baby two (just short of two years married) and the whole lot fell to me. A serious work injury put me out of the industry so I when to the university as it was the only way I would get a job that would work with my spinal injury. Yes, I was a very unorthodox mother, juggling motherhood, full-time uni student, part-time worker, volunteering at the kid’s school and running the house. After I finished uni my Ma need surgery so I went home to help my parents for about 4 years and my kids when to school up there. I taught up at the Cape until I got ill. 

It was at this point in my life it seems to have folded in on itself. I really do not know why as I have faced bigger problems and overcome them. I have had one issue after another follow though undermining my well-being and my self-confidence. I think the biggest problem is that I really am not use to asking others to help me, and I have never had to rely on others for anything. I am just so used to doing what I want when I want and how I want. 

I think I am just going to focus on what I can do well – writing, helping young people, what I need to do to regain my well-being – get my eating where it should be and work with my medical team as required, and stop worrying about everything that I have lost.

Again, I thank you for staying with me until I get to the end of clearing my ideas. Please feel free to share with me if you have any advice or tips that will give me any extra support.  I hope that you have a good day/evening and wish you the best.

 

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Yes my new motto, so I can keep myself moving forward.

 

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