My usual cheerful hello to you on this beautiful day, and I hope that it is treating you with much kindness. These last few days where I have not been in my best health, either psychically or mentally, I have been reading that wonderful new book, which is giving me plenty to think about. I have also been reading books about various illnesses and how people have recovered and become better and healthier. It is very interesting the number of people who are given very negative news, health wise and have overcome it by trying different methods.
I honestly think that my biggest problem is that I have always been so proud of my mastery of the English language (my Nana had me reading novels like War and Peace before I got to my teenage years), and my ability to master History, and now I have problems recalling a simple word for a sentence. I truly hate the fact that I can not hang a sentence together, spell or read as I did before the stroke. I have always been an avid reader and have been known to read a novel a night.
I am dyslexic and successfully managed to complete 10 years of formal education, a four-year apprenticeship and two years of my BA before it was picked up, I had basically the intelligence to bluff my way through about 38 years before it was discovered that the letters on the page were not always in order. Now, I have to start again and I get so upset as I am just so confused about what I should do. I could focus on my English or build my confidence by undertaking a new task. While I was in the mental health unit and painted the three oil paintings (which did not look too bad), this is not a skill I have ever done before so I have no way of being good or bad, just build it up until I have something I can show off.
I know I have to lose weight but I really think that for me to do that successfully I honestly need to be happy about who I am. I think I eat as a form of reward and this will not change until I have my head working independently – that is retrained from childhood where my mother would not give me junk food with my siblings because I have been naughty, so now if I think I have made a mistake I go straight to the rubbish.
I really need to stop being nasty to myself and setting my expectations so high. I am in my mid-fifties so I will have restrictions naturally and I just need to work toward something I can be comfortable with. I have to adjust to the fact that because I help others when they need it does not mean that they will return the favour so I have to go it as a one-man show and small steps. Keep a journal that has eating (not diet) patterns, emotions, ideas and my medical information – one of those A4 ones that have 5 sections in them and buy those beautiful coloured pens so I have cheerful penning.
I have changed my eating patterns to a cross between vegetarian and vegan, and hope that it will help with the weight loss but also make it easier to organise my meals on my bad days and weeks. I have also decided to go back to the nature lotions we used in the 60/70s for our beauty routines. I figured that if I stop loading my body with artificial chemicals, it has to be good.
Anyway, I will keep you all posted, I have taken photos and have all my measurements so if this all works out as I plan it to, I will share the before and after ones with you all.
Again thank you for reading my plans and if you have any tips certainly feel free to share them with me. Have a great day.