This is a just for me blog. I am hoping that if I can get it out of my head I may be able to sleep.I am feeling very depressed and I am not really holding it together. I have grown up with the training that I MUST never let anyone know that I am having any problems. I have generally held it together thorough me life but now that my children are independent, and I can not hold a job due to medical reasons, I have found that I have no reason to continue.
Tasks that were once simple such as making a cup of coffee, do a load of washing, or drive the children to school are all beyond me now. I feel as if I have won first division lotto when I get a load of dishes done. There are these various groups that are set up for support but I have problems leaving the house, and I am embarrassed to admit that I have problems. I know that sound silly because I have been quite open with my fellow bloggers but you are people I do not have to see face to face.
I really wish I knew how I could get it all sorted out. I am sharing my children’s house when I would rather be doing my own thing, I have health problems that the medical profession have no idea as to what it is or how to fix it and I simply can not deal with any of it. I come from a Roman Catholic background and I constantly review my life to see what I have done to deserve the punishment I am subjected to.
I spent all my life doing the right thing, helping those who need it and I am still doing this just not on the same level. I just struggle to find an answer for the questions that torment me, a method that I can use to fix me, help myself, a way to go back to be what I was…someone who can help others and be happy with who I am.