It is all too confusing!

 

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This is a just for me blog. I am hoping that if I can get it out of my head I may be able to sleep.I am feeling very depressed and I am not really holding it together. I have grown up with the training that I MUST never let anyone know that I am having any problems. I have generally held it together thorough me life but now that my children are independent, and I can not hold a job due to medical reasons, I have found that I have no reason to continue. 

Tasks that were once simple such as making a cup of coffee, do a load of washing, or drive the children to school are all beyond me now.  I feel as if I have won first division lotto when I get a load of dishes done. There are these various groups that are set up for support but I have problems leaving the house, and I am embarrassed to admit that I have problems. I know that sound silly because I have been quite open with my fellow bloggers but you are people I do not have to see face to face. 

I really wish I knew how I could get it all sorted out. I am sharing my children’s house when I would rather be doing my own thing, I have health problems that the medical profession have no idea as to what it is or how to fix it and I simply can not deal with any of it. I come from a Roman Catholic background and I constantly review my life to see what I have done to deserve the punishment I am subjected to. 

I spent all my life doing the right thing, helping those who need it and I am still doing this just not on the same level. I just struggle to find an answer for the questions that torment me, a method that I can use to fix me, help myself, a way to go back to be what I was…someone who can help others and be happy with who I am.

 

 

 

2 thoughts on “It is all too confusing!

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  1. I don’t want to ‘like’ this post. It doesn’t feel right. What I do want to do is to say you aren’t alone (even though you may want to be). There are a lot of people who read your blog very day and admire your strength and resolve (yes, you do have bucket loads of both!) I don’t know the answer. I do know how difficult it is. My situation sounds very similar to yours. I really hope you manage to find some peace.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Words have always been my saviour. If I can write about it I can sort it out in my head. I have not had that sort of freedoom before. I wiould write in a personal journal and on my really bad days I would just hid myself away from the world. Being able to put the words and emotions out there and go back tomorrow, or next week and see that I have made improvements is helping me. I am also finding comfort from others who are opened about not coping with carious issues that those around me make me feel as if I am wrong, Thank you so much for you loving support.

      Liked by 1 person

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