Good morning, and I hope that the fact we have Christmas about two weeks away is not causing any additional stress. I have adult children and no grandchildren, so it has been interesting watching the chaos that is linked to what is meant to be a celebration for family, where we all get together and enjoy each others company.
One of the messages that the nurses, doctors, and therapist keep repeating to me was the importance of learning to relax. I have always been one who needs to seek answers for everything and I said to them on more than one occasion “but I relax often” … the standard answer was, “no you slow down, you do not relax”. I had one of the therapists, who I connected with really well, say to me “how do you feel when you are reading, for you that is relaxation”. Now I have an idea of what I am aiming for on a more regular basis. Even now that I have permission, the right and medical orders to relax, I still feel guilty and as if I am meant to be doing something and will be punished for this downtime. Christmas has always been the one exception to this.
I remember our family Christmas time and the way it was all about the friends and family connection…kids playing, eating all the wrong types of food, and the ‘grown-ups’ sitting around just laughing, joking and having fun. Then I had my little ones and it was Christmas day for the family thing and Boxing Day for friends, but again both days were the same as when I was growing up, fun and relaxing, no cross words, no rushing around, no deadlines, no pressure, and certainly no expectation to achieve to standards that a Superhero would have problems with. This is what I need to aim for on a daily basis and once I am back on an even keel make sure that I have REAL time set aside to continue with this practice.
I have found it interesting when I have to go to the shopping centre, just how much people rush. Yes, I can understand the Monday to Friday normal working hours but outside of this, you would expect a more relaxed approach to your outing. It does not make any difference how long you take, so why not sit and have a lovely herbal tea with that glorious looking cake slice, and simply watch the world rush by as you let your breath amble through your body. Yes, I ready did try this (one of the nurse’s said her and her Ma do it) and I was very surprised at just how chilled I felt by the time I had finished my tea, the time I had just sat and RELAXED was just over forty-five minutes and it certainly did not feel that long. I know that I felt really chilled and very happy, so I will certainly be doing it every time I go to the shopping centre.
I am still struggling with the feeling ‘guilty’ and ‘I am not being productive’ mindset but I think that the more often I feel the benefits of relaxing and see how much better I cope as my health improves, the easier it will become. Of course, I am still dealing with my anxiety and depression, which will highlight the negativity attached to my emotional ideal of who I am. This is in the ‘gets better slowly’ basket.
So, that is it for today, and again I thank you for giving up some of your precious time to read my thoughts and words. Go and make yourself that cuppa and just RELAX!