Creating the new ME.

Sunday has always been one of my favourite days…sleep in without guilt, combined breakfast and lunch so no calorie (Kj) rules and generally plenty of time to really do the activities you enjoy. I have always been an ‘off to the local market’ I adore seeing what sort of handcrafts and cooking the locals are doing, and of course you get to take your time, nibbling on local produce, sipping on coffee/tea and just watch your neighbours ambling and chatting. So having shared with you what I am planning to get back to by February next year, I will now ask you how your day has been going and hope that it is treating you with a sense of happiness and relaxation.

Again, for today I am planning on cooking myself a nice evening meal, do a little reading and start on my colouring in calendar for 2018 (I am really looking forward to having my calendar for next year as it will be a reminder of where I have come from and where I am going), but I am not going for my walk as it is a day of rest and I am so sore from the end of the week exercise programme, I think I am allowed to have a day of rest…

Tomorrow I am going to start on the paperwork that my psychologist team has given me, and it is designed to help me form an idea of how I see myself and what I think I do as a person. The first question is ‘who are you?’, so I answered “mother, teacher, binder…” and that is where I was stopped. It was then pointed out to me that what I had just said was what I did and certainly not who I am. One of the ladies then said to me that often people who have depression, mental illness etc do not have any idea that there is a very big difference between WHO you are and WHAT you do.

So I think I am going to find this a little bit of a challenge but I have promised myself that I deserve to give to me what I give to others, and more importantly for me (I have worked out that I am happy when I am helping others, and that is what I want to do with my life) I need to actually find out who I am and if I am not a ‘person’ then develop a ‘ME’, I honestly can not assist others properly if I any broken mysef. Anyone who has had depression, anxiety, or any of the other numerous mental illnesses that stop us from being ‘us’, will know what I mean, and if you do not understand then take some time and find out a little about mental illness as it affects more people then any other illness.

Well, I am now off to do some more activities with my Sunday and feel as if I am a normal person. I truly mean that in a positive way, as for the past four days I have truly felt as if there is hope for me, and that I can work on little things without the world closing in on me, and this means that my demons are losing their power and leaving me alone. I have been told and have prior experience which has taught me that I will have days where I will spiral backward but with blogs like this one, I can recap and see that I just need to push myself and take control.

Thank you for staying with me on this and I sincerely hope that your Sunday is just perfect for you. 

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My first attempt at using paints as a medium for my creative nature. One of the medical team said that a really good way of helping yourself out of deepening dark depths is to find ways to get your mind to forget the darkness….even if it is only for a little bit.

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