Hello to all and thank you for joining me to see what I am going to rabble on about today. I DO KNOW that it is the fact that I have to write this up each day that is keeping me going. I love reading everyone else’s ideas and insights into the world, celebrating when fellow bloggers reach milestones like 500 followers, it allows me to know that there is hope and if I hang in and continue to fight, I will come out of this and be able to reclaim my life.
I have been reading much about the way depression actually works and how it can manifest if there are other issues, or health concerns going on at the same time. So this would account for the severity of this bout, and the fact the I have a heart condition that makes me tired would not be helping. I have always been one who MUST understand everything, so I can have a little control over what is happening.
I have been very lucky in finding a doctor who does acknowledge that mental illness is real and she treats it as such. This has meant that I have stopped running and actually get treated. Sadly, there are so many people who switch doctors so regularly because of the stigma involved with mental illness. People who hide it from their family because of the degrading attitude still attached to it. And, of course, those like me who have to do it in stages – admit it to myself, find a regular doctor, share with those who have the same illness and then actually, really go public – “I have a mental illness and yes. it does impact on how I can live my life, no, it is not an excuse, it is real.”
I am taking myself off to the local hospital tomorrow as the demons have to go..it is all too much for me to cope with and pretending that I can is not good for me. My psychical health is paying a price as I can not eat and my sleeping is so erratic. I am having panic attacks in my our house and all the problems I started the week with have increased. It is just that I am so scared that they will say I am just okay and only need to get some sleep, exercise or any of the other cures often attached to helping decrease the severity of panic/anxiety attacks or working on depression.
I hope that tomorrow is generous with you, and if you do not hear from me, you will know that I have been accepted into the unit and I will update once I get back home.