My private nightmare!

Good Afternoon and I hope that your Friday has been kind to you. I always enjoyed the weekends as it allowed me to catch up with the bits and pieces not completed during the week, seeing mates and just relaxing. I hope that you have some relaxing activities planned for your weekend.

Well, this will not be a long blog as I am a little on the lethargic side, which the doctors said would happen, but I thought that it would be interesting to share just how this impacts on a person. I find it interesting that politicians, media, and others make light of depression, ongoing medical conditions and the ‘real’ impact that it has on a person, their families and their lifestyle. I have basically ‘suffered’ from depression since the age of seven, so I do have a little first-hand experience to draw from, I can state clearly that I have depression and a varied selection of other medical conditions, but this is something I have only done for the past seven/eight years. If you ‘suffer’ from depression you are made to feel as if you are sub-human, a freak or just not wanting to be part of the real world. 

I presented at the hospital with an unidentified condition and I automatically assumed that once I told them I was in a depressive episode that I would be sent home as that is generally what occurs, this was not the case. My depression certainly made it more difficult to cope with my other medical condition and makes me think that I am imagining it all. I also get these panic/anxiety attacks that I am dying and whilst I can logically talk why this is not so, anyone who has any of these conditions knows that logic does not appear when you are having an attack. I often will sleep odd hours because I have not been able to sleep for my ‘terrors’, I isolate myself from people because I think people know I am weird and are talking about me, I want to die to escape my horrors but I am terrified of dying, my head is never quite from the voices and demons tormenting  all the time. 

I have an appointment with my doctor next week and she will organise some sessions with my psychologist as I know I need the additional support I can get from them. Thank you for letting me share this somewhat disjointed blog with you but it is nice just to be able to get some of it out in the open so I can process it.

ernest-gonzales
Dancing in the Snow Ernest Gonzales

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