Hello and again thank you for dropping in for a read. I am not sure how much I will get written today as I am really not having a good time. I try to tell myself that all is okay and that this is just a depressive episode, that my anxiety is just cause my problems and that I am okay really, I just need to breathe and calm down but I can not do it. I rang my doctor who cannot get me in until the middle of next week, so now I have gone into a massive panic attack.
I am so tired and not eating properly. There is nothing I can do that feels right. I am having problems breathing and think I am suffocating because my mouth and jaw are not working properly. I have blurred vision, my body is shaking and I am yawning all the time.
I really should go to the hospital but I am so afraid that I will be told that I have nothing wrong with me and to stop wasting everyone’s time and go back home. I can not stop crying but there is no reason for it. I am too afraid to go to sleep because the demons invade then and make it so much worse. I am just so afraid.
I really have no way to deal with this at the moment…I am trying so hard to tell myself it is just in my head and to do the other things that can stop it…go for a walk, cook myself something to eat or have a nice shower but I now that the demons with taking over and I cannot cope if I am in a dangerous situation. I will try to get so proper sleep and may eat regular food, hopefully, I can get some control, so sleeep…or I may just have to call the ambulance and let them decide….but at the moment I am just telling myself it is okay….it is okay!!!