A cheerful hello for today, and I am sorry about yesterday but due to technical issues, I could not get on the internet to do my blog. I am so happy that you have popped by for another review of my thoughts for today.
At the moment there is not too much happening as I have been doing a detox with the hope of kick-starting the health system. I have not been well for so long and am still looking for something that will support me in finding my healthy me again. I ignored my own health for so long I should not be surprised that the system has decided to rebel. I have happily told others how to create a good lifestyle… work/leisure balance, good food, exercise and generally how to look after yourself, but for some obscure reason I ignore it for my own being. I punish myself for what I think are crimes from earlier in my life, the wrongs I continue to do, and when it is your mind building this prison for you, it is difficult to find terms to work within.
My kids are encouraging me to be proactive, so we have now got a wonderful exercise bike that measures KJ, speed, and all the other bits and pieces you need to support you as you find you groove building toward a healthy exercise. I am staying positive even if I feel horrid. What upsets me the most is you are never certain if your body is just having a clean out, if your mind is giving you a test or if you have a psychical illness that requires help. It is terrifying and stops you dead in your tracks. You are scared that if you go to the hospital and there is nothing wrong, you will never get help again. You are scared that you will go to the hospital and you will have something serious and you will never recover. You know you really need to have time out at the mental health unit but you are just too scared to actually ask for help.
I am just hanging in at the moment, struggling with the little steps and hoping that I will find a safe space to shelter in until my doctor and I can get everything working as it should.