dysfunctional me

Hi and thank you for stopping by, I appreciate that you take time from your day to read what I share. I am not having a good day today so it is not going to be a long blog, but I have promised to write something each day.  I woke up latish this morning and just have not been able to find my groove since. I am going to share my thoughts with you today and I am sorry if they make no sense but I am not in a good spot, so checking for errors is a little too much.

I truly hate having depression as it robs from you and there is nothing you can do, I knew today that I was not working as I should simply because my thoughts and emotions were all over the place. It makes no difference what you do nothing operates as it should. You spend the day wondering about everything…is that pain in my chest real – if it is, am I have a heart attack, strolling thought social media seeing if your friends are talking to you and therefore still like you, stressing over the way the world is going, but to stress to leave the house. 

What I find the most upsetting is that this can last a few hours or weeks and unless you have experienced it, you really can not get your head around just how horrid it is to feel so isolated, cut off, weird, useless, evil and so many other emotions it is impossible to truly explain. You still look like you, and to everyone else, there is no difference but your mind creates a world that your entire being shifts to and not even you can understand it. You battle to hang on, you fight to make sense of anything and everything, and you simply pray for some form of normal to happen.

I thank you for hanging in and reading this, I hope that it gives you a little insight into just how dysfunctional it is for a person whose mind and emotions decide that there are other ways to view the world that does not make sense according to the ‘normal social’ standard.

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