Good afternoon, and I hope that your day has been gentle with you. I have had a very restful day and did some more thinking about lots of things, one being exactly what is happiness? It is one of those odd concepts that most humans spend their life chasing but do we ever stop to think of what it actually means for us…that is, me, as the individual!
For me, personally, I have always known that helping others around me, seeing them happy was all I needed. It is only recently that I have worked out that this is not so, it was the feeling of being needed and worthwhile that created that concept of happiness, which is why I am now struggling with where I am.
As I can no longer work and therefore not support those who need that helping hand, I have no longer have a concept for I am. I can not justify my being with that “oh yes, I did this for…this week”, and thereby give purpose to my being. Because the bulk of my life has been built on dealing with the problems of others, I have never had to really deal with my own. Now that the only problems I do have belong to me I have no skills developed, no ability in place and the end result is that I am struggling to find that personal happiness.
I am finding it tough to deal with my issues because I do not really understand what happiness is, as I have only experienced it by proxy, that is when one of those I was supporting found their special spot.
I am certainly going to work toward finding exactly what it is that allows me to work with what has been given to me to deal with, and find my own space for that personal happiness. I am learning that I am entitled to be happy, feel good about myself, and find my space in my world with any feelings of guilt, it is just getting my mind into this space that is taking a little time.