Thank you for joining me again and I am sorry for how late I am. I have had one of those sort of days. I needed to have some more medical tests done and as I am a public patient it can mean waiting. I hope that you have also had a successful and joyful day! I had plenty of time to think today, and that can be a dangerous thing, but I am now going to work through my ideas and put them into some sort of working order.
Like anyone with several decades under their belt, I have had ups and downs in my life and generally managed to overcome most of what I have had thrown into my path. Most of this list are issues I will be working my way though as I get further into this blog. I know as I child of the 60s the parenting style was so very different to what we accept today and as a result, we have a basketful of issues that we either ignore or wait until we are forced to confront, then grizzle like crazy about our nightmarish life. I have survived childhood abuse, an abusive marriage, the shame of being a single parent, and any of those delightful hurdles that life throws at you just to make sure you are paying attention. I have always been a ‘glass half full’ type person with my attitude to life and I think that this is going to be a bonus as I work my way through this one.
Waiting in the clinic I was eavesdropping (yeah, very rude of me!) and was a little surprised at the others waiting and their sense of entitlement, the way in which they interacted with the support staff, and just the single notion that the entire world revolved around them. Even when the medical team overseeing my well-being were telling me that I would not be able to rejoin the workforce for six months minimum, if ever, and they still had to work out what had happened, I could not have spoken to or interacted with them as I witnessed today.
Sadly for me, I have no idea if I can ever return to the work force, or if I can, that it will be teaching, as this is a mentally stressfully job and therefore could impact on the frequency of my turns. The medical profession has no way of know what will trigger a turn, and I will not risk inflicting that on a young person. So I have gone from a person who embraced all life had to throw at me, to waiting for someone to tell me that I can do some small thing again.
Well, this got me reviewing where I am at the moment. I have a very small circle of close friends and for this, I consider myself fortunate. This band has been there through the very worst and best. My adult children, my best mate, my kid sister and a couple of mates who are always there. They have seen me at my very worst and are still around so it will not make any difference to them what happens, as they will simply accept and continue to love me as always. I may not have been able to function several months ago but now I am building my way back to being somewhat independent, and thanks to suggestions from my support network (do a blog….read a book, stop feeling sorry for yourself) I find that I can manage to work my way down a daily ‘to do list’.
After I was released from the hospital, I spent time freaking out because I was convinced that I was in my 50s and would not live to my 60s. Due to support from not only my crew but some wonderful medical people, I started to get my head around the idea that if I really believed I would get better and challenged myself to undertake a new task, to re-train my mind to do the skills it knew how to do, that I could redevelop myself. It may not be ‘the me‘ I knew before June but just think of how much I would have to look forward to as I created this new ‘Adrienne’