A bright hello and I hope your day has been kind to you. I am not going to have a chat about my health today but rather my place is in the world. I do not have an oversized ego and am well aware that the world does not revolve around me, but at some point, you like to think that there are some people who really would miss you if you were no longer there.
I have always tried to help others who needed it, after all, I am the eldest in the family, strongly influenced by the hippie ideology of ‘love everyone’, often work and volunteered with care organisations. I have always been and still am the ‘go to’ person when anyone I know has an issue. I enjoyed this ‘being needed’ role, the one who could make everything right. No, it is not an ego thing but rather something I was always good at, and I know now that it was a way for me to ignore the personal issues I have. Being able to see something that was broken, fix it up and get it working as it should, is so rewarding.
I have always had some cause or battle that has needed to be fought, so engaging with other people is another skill I got good at. I have never had much confidence in myself (again, another story for further along on my path of self-discovery), but I learned very early in life that if you are ‘out-there, loud, and have an opinion about everything’, people will just believe that you do and leave you alone. Once you have a single ‘adult’ assign you that ‘fix-it’ role it is yours for keeps. I have to admit that, for the most, it is a role I have been good at and therefore enjoyed. Great, so I can state that ‘care-taker’ is one of the ‘places’ I have in this world.
MOTHER – is the one I lay claim to with a great amount of pride (not sure my kids would agree) but both are good people, who do no harm, whilst trying to find their place in this crazy world. Both of them are certainly more together than I was at their age.
I am a qualified school teacher who can not work currently because of my health issues. I prefer to refer to the role as a facilitator. I loved watching the little people, or young adults at the moment when the concept became a reality they could work with, so for me, it was facilitating this process rather than teaching. I live with the notion that learning is a life long experience, and one I will embrace again further down the track.
I have several other skills I have gathered as I have gone along, all of which add to the person I am. Activist for causes or social injustices that needed action. I have numerous ideas and plans I want to see come to life, simply because this is what living should be about.
Can I make an adult relationship work…not on your life! I really do not know why? Okay, so the notion of having dinner on the table at a set time was a foreign concept to me. Maybe the kids did not need to come before you every time! But I listened when you had an issue, your clothes got washed, and let’s be honest….dinner did get cooked, eventually! I have this in my ‘to do’ list….learn about making an adult relationship work!
Since June and me having to re-evaluate my existence, I have this one solid, and safe ‘give-me’, my couple of friends, and yes this crisis has shown me who really are my friends. I have precious friends who have been a part of my life for years. My best mate (Shaz) has well over thirty years of putting up with the good and the bad but don’t bother asking where the bodies are, she will never tell. I have a couple of others I have collected along the way who have really been there for me, even when I have gotten side-tracked with one of ‘my causes’. I really do not think I would have found the strength to keep trying if it is not for this little band.
So, back to the original concept for today’s blog…’my place in the world’. I have things I am good at….do I really want to continue to do them, or is it time to look for ways to use these skills in a different manner? I look around as the world revolves – people going to work, children to school, governments ruining nations, soldiers dying for stupid reasons – all the things that happen on a daily basis but I see no real reason! Does it make any difference if you have the biggest house or the best car? Shouldn’t the real reason for finding your place be to find happiness, doing something that actually has meaning for you? It has to make a difference. For me, it must be something I know I would proudly want to have my friends and I associated with.