A happy Monday morning hello to you and I hope that your day is going as you are hoping. I have not had a productive one for me being the way I am at the moment. I did not wake too early as I had one of those horrid ‘nasty’ friends came to play during the night. If you have any form of this you will know it can be just a part of anxiety or it can be an extension of your depression, mine is the depression which will impact on my mindset for the following day. 

I decided as I watched some of my favourite movies on the laptop to help me go back to sleep (The Avengers will chase away any demons!!!), but I did not wake until 7am and was feeling very foggy, so my start to the day was a little on a slow side I decided to be nice to my daughter and sweep and mop the house for her (for those who do not know my kids have graciously allowed me to live with them since I got sick), and the pair of them do everything and I really feel like I am being so VERY LAZY and just using them.  

I know that my brother and baby sister were still living with my parents when their ages were the same as my kids are now but this is the house the kid’s rent, so it is me that is dependant on them. I feel so out of my depth, I am not Mum anymore…the kids have been living independently for the past six years, I am not needed to help, shop, clean, or any of those other things I use to do! So what do I do?

Our society did not cover this at school, children grew up at home until they got married, then they got their own home and started on the kids (grandkids) and the families meet back at Ma and Pa’s for all the important events – births, marriage, Christmas, Easter and all the rest – I can remember having breakfast at Nana’s EVERY Sunday morning until she passed. Christmas was a massive FAMILY event at the senior family member’s house, all the Aunties, Uncles, cousins (from first to at least fourth), and it was wonderful.

I am not sure when it all changed but I do know that it was not for the best…as a family we nursed my Nana at her own home until she passed (she had cancer) and Pop just passed in his sleep also at his home. But my father has been put into a medical home as it has been deemed that we can not look after him at home properly.

What made us into a selfish, selfless society, and it is not just this, when my husband left me, he had nothing to do with his children – that is simply selfish, selfless behaviour, and  as both a teacher and youth worker I can state that our youth are the ones that are being damaged by this change in society. Many come from broken homes, used as a tool between their parents (who often know nothing about their child) and the parents then what to blame the world because of their children’s misbehaviour. I really think it is time to have a look at what we do as a SOCIETY and fix our problems up.

Thank you for allowing me to have my rant but this is something that I am very passionate about. I have worked with many young and old and the only thing that is missing from their life is people who should love them and treat them with respect. Some countries have programmes they run so that the elder can support the young and pass on all their knowledge to them, the young also teach the older how to do modern things. See if your local community has one set up and it might give you something to do.

Wow, I am really overtired, to have gone from being confused about living at my children’s house dependent on them, to how modern society has stopped caring about both our young and our elderly. I really think it is time to say bye and I hope that the rest of your day is wonderful xx.


The Waltons – The way the family should be?


Finding Inspiration…

“As we grow we forget the simple pleasures – such as picking up a pencil and colouring something in. But simple creative work can be incredibly calming and self-soothing. 

The Zen of Colouring aims to help you lose yourself in the process of being creative -helping your stresses drift away.

Relax, be inspired by the patterns and simply let your feelings guide you. There’s no right or wrong, there’s no end goal. put pencil to paper and just enjoy.”

A lovely Sunday hello to all, and I hope that your day has been just perfect for you. I went for an early morning walk this morning to the local market just down the road and picked up this really cool colouring book “Zen of Colouring Beautiful – art therapy images to relax your mind and body” and I fell in love…to make it even better it was only one dollar! It is filled with Haitian Vodou skulls drawn in a variety of styles, both male and female skulls in different styles…I simply fell in love. I will post the odd one up from time to time as I finish it. 

I have had another semi-lazy day as my body is adjusting to having food at regular times and three times a day. But I was happy with my early morning walk. I will finish my room tomorrow because I just have not been well enough this weekend to complete the task. I have started to plan how I will keep my teaching training up to date so I can go overseas as soon as my health is back to where it is meant to be.

I found my disc and two of the exercise books I have the original work in for my ‘washbaskets and warriors’ book. My writing style has certainly improved but the ideas have some promise. So I did a little note making on that today.

So after the past few days with the advice from my psychologist, GP, a couple of my fellow blogs (thank you for your support), and a few of mates, I have come up with a plan that takes in the next twelve months. Something I feel I can work with and work my way through, that will get me to where I want to be…teaching English in Asia.

Thank you for reading my words and your continued support, I very much appreciate it. I hope that your week is great and I will chat tomorrow night.

It is all that you make it…

Good evening to all and I hope that your day has been sweet for you. I generally love weekends as you can pretty much do as you want. Sadly for me following my medical advice and eating three meals a day is not being easy on my body. Just highlighting for me how out of wack it really is, so I am pleased that my doctors have decided to start with this one first.

I have been reading “The Mind-Cut Connection” it is being really interesting as it looks at the connection between the sorts of foods you eat and the way it impacts on your body, I am not the far into yet but it is really good and I will give you updates as I get into more. In short, it looks at how a few simple changes to our diet and lifestyle, we can enjoy a happier mindset, enhance our immunity and can even reduce the chances of getting a chonic illness.

The way I feel at the moment, all my life experiences crowding in on me but not sure where I go with it.

I have put together a plan today that I have set up for the next twelve months. My medical team have told me that it will be minimum of twelve months before I can think of rejoining the workforce, so I figure that this means I can work out what I want to do.

This is what I would be happy with my face toward where I am going!

It has not been a long blog today but I have not been feeling too good and spend most of the day I bed. I decided to do my blog whilst I cooked my dinner. I very much enjoy talking to you all, and find that I get so much out of sharing my thoughts with everyone. I hope that you have a great night and that your Sunday is perfect.

Let’s watch a movie…

A delightful hello to all and I hope that your day has treated you with joy and kindness. I have had one of my lazy days as I normally do after I have my doctors, shopping outings. However I have found it really peaceful, I had a lovely breakfast (yes went back to bed with it) then I checked emails and attended to what business I have to do like feed the pets etc. After my shower, I decided to go lay down again as my hips were around the 9 on the pain scale. So I thought I would write down the names of the movies I liked from my past together with the odd tv show I had watched on a friends recommendation. I have generally been a reader rather than telly watcher and I have always viewed going to the cinema as a formal outing which I generally would do it with a restaurant meal either before or after.

Well, I was really interested as I catalogued the actors and their films in my notebook so I can start to source where I can download, purchase etc of their work. I also made up a list system (you know to the five stars rating), Getting all organised as I have been advised that on my depressed days reviewing memories that are linked with happiness will reverse the negativity. As my joints can also be very painful at the same time I decided that my movies from my past would be the way to go.

James Spader – one of my hero’s without me actually realising it.

I went to the cinema to watch Endless Love (1981) and the love affair began, he did not even have the leading role but I just thought he was wonderful. His first leading role was in a film in 1985 Tuff Turf, and yes I was there simply because James was in the movie. However what has really surprised me today as I have gone through both the movies I have liked or the actor, just how many had James in. I can assure you it was not an intentional move as I would often go to these movies on my own because my mates would often say how odd the films were, but I was intrigued by the storyline, or the way the film had been made (some were independent films).

I purchased Stargate on DVD as soon as it was released (it did also have Kurt Russell in it and that was an added bonus and yes I do have that on CD) James has made films that have created debate (Secretary – one I can remember cause ALOT of discussion). James has made many pictures from 1981 all the way to Avengers – Age of Ultron, I counted 35 but that does not mean he has been lazy. He has also ventured into television shows. Boston Legal and Blacklist are two of his shows that I watch, and I simply adore Boston Legal endings where James and William Shatner would just simply sit and chat as real friends do – flaws, faults and all – so real. So what I have done with the ‘S’ part of the index notebook is work out how many discs I am going to need just for James work.

John Cusack – one of my all-time favourite actors.

Well here is the other one of my all-time favourites. If you had asked me before I started making this list up for feel-good discs I would have said “yep, he’s great and of course, I have seen some of his pictures” No that is certainly an incorrect statement…I have seen all 61 films the man has made. I have always had my copies of Sixteen Candles, Must have Dogs and True Colors (that one has several of my other favourites in including James Spader), and I have always found his scope in his acting ability amazing. I have also liked the fact that he has not played the Hollywood game and often gone for the independent film, which is generally so much better than the ones that are simply produced for the quick dollar. 

Well, I am off too cook a burger, make a herbal tea and settle in a watch Stargate and Must love Dogs, so I really hope that your night is going to be as relaxing as mine. Thank you for joining me to learn that I do have a little case of obsessive behaviour!

My trip begins…

A wonderful good evening to you and I hope that you day has been easy and enjoable. I have just got home from my GP’s visit, so it has been a very long day for me and I am really tired. I have taken my meds and have some beautiful fruit to go with it – fresh manjo, figs, red grapes, yellow and white peaches, when I have these long days I really do not feel like I can eat but fruit always works.

Both my Psychologist and GP have spoken and agree that for the next month I am to focus only on getting my eating into order. Three meals a day, at regular times with one of those meals being a good, well balance feed. I am to stop writing my journal and keep a food diary with the emotions that interact with what I am eating.  They want me to paint a picture of why I select what I do, if there are foods I eat because I enjoy them but I appear to have negative reactions after – baked stuffed capiscums and I end up with an upset tummy about a day later – so it is to really look at just how well my body is working. 

My GP told me today that there are certain foods that can impact on the body in a negative way, the food could be a healthy one but just does not work for you. She also said that the way I have been since June with my up and downs, not being able to eat effectively that my body will be missing many of the neccessary minerals and vitamins that it needs to work correctly. Taking multi-vitamins and minerals will not neccesarly working correctly has my system is not funtioning as it should be. 

I am to see my psychologists every two weeks and my GP once a month unless something changes. I brought my paints today, and my relax chair as of tomorrow I will be reorganisng my room, so I can have my creative space (painting, reading, writing and blogging) and ignore the world. I am really looking forward to it as I feel as  if there will be progress. My eating habits brought back into control which may help with the weight and body pain, but it does not really make any difference if I do because I will be building the internal body back up to where it should be, and both my GP and Psychologists said I will notice a huge difference.

Again, I thank you for reading the details of what is happening in my world, it really does mean alot to know that there are people who pop in to see what I am up to. 


New path to follow for ME!

Good evening to all and I hope that your day has been kind to you. I have had an interesting one and I am actually feeling good about what has happened. My wonderful Psychologist has decided that we are going to approach this all from a different angle. She has decided that our interest will not be to focus on the overweight factor and the painful sessions I experience trying to get some exercise actually done which is definitely doing more harm to both my body and mind.

The new plan is to forget all about the dieting, I have had a bad history with this notion and fall into the group of yo-yo dieters, but instead, I am to plan to have three set organised meals. On the days I am not feeling well I can sort them to suit, healthy smoothie for breakfast, grill tomato and cheese sandwich for lunch and a re-heated meal that I have prepared on my good days and put them in the freezer. My psychologist has said that I start with making sure that I have the one good sound meal a day but that I must continue to have three meals each day (with the other two being what I can cope with to prepare or eat) and my body will start to repair itself, as it will be lacking in many of the goodies the mind and body need to function. She said the great thing is as the body actually starts to heal and become healthy with all the nutrients and vitamins that it needs to function it is far more important than your current size.

Well, I am off to see my GP tomorrow, and hopefully, organise some more blood test to see if we can find out what is causing my horrid bruising. I will also need to ask her about my eyes and see if I just need drops or if I have some form of not nice thing happening, I just simply hate this constant watering and itching (it is worst after I have read of a reasonable period of time).

I did all my food shopping today so tomorrow I am going to get a comfortable writers chair and get serious about finishing the novel I started in year 9. I am going to ignore the fact that my body will not let me do what I could, and start working on a couple of things on the top of my list….getting my nutrient/food intake as it should be, and write my novel. If I  need to relax I will put on some of the great music from the 50/60&70s and do some colouring in any one of the numerous collections I have to stay calm. Ooh and I will be keeping a collection of the good recipes I encounter, so please feel free to ask me to share any of your favourites.

Again, thank you for putting up with the raving of a middle-aged woman, who thinks that her day was good enough to bore you all with.

Learning to be fearless !


Good evening to all, and I hope that your day has been gentle with you and turned out just as you wanted. I  am still having off days and really can not get over the pain levels in my back and down my legs. It has been that bad I have been crying without being aware of it. 

I have a full week, visit to the psychologist tomorrow and on Thursday off to see my GP. I am really hoping that they can do something to ease my pain and not really knowing where I am at the moment.  I am going to ask both of the professionals if this is all just in my head. I had a person tell me this week that it is all a put on because I just could not be bothered to do anything for myself and just wanted all the attention. 

I just feel so lost and confessed, I read many others stories that seem very similar to mine, so I think that it has to be real. But this person knows me well and I think that maybe they can see something in me that makes them come out with that opinion. There are days when I feel like nothing is wrong with me, but then I will just fall apart and everything spots working and I can not even get out of bed.

Thank you for letting me have my little clean my mind, I really to get comfort knowing that there are others out there who do truly understand. I hope that your day is good for tomorrow.

Learning to relax, really stopping your brain from thinking and just have the time for your body, mind and soul


Restful Sunday!


Hello on this beautiful Sunday. It is a little on the warm side where I live but that just gives one an excuse to settle into a chair in the shade with a pitcher of homemade lemonade and read a book. I have had a couple of days of being ill so yesterday I spent the entire day in bed, and as a result for today, I am not going to push myself too hard.

I have spoken to my Ma and Baby Sister, so the family catch up was good, although at the moment is it a little like who has the longest list of problems for the doctor to deal with. Still, we manage to smile (most of the time) though it all. 

My blog today is because I often wonder what others do when they are just sitting at home, not ready sure what to do with their day. Sometimes you just want to cook up a ‘naughty’ food, settle into bed and read a good book. Maybe go out and visit markets just to see what the rest of the world is up to. One I use to love to do was visit my favourite coffee shop with my best mates and loss the morning just laughing and joking. And of course, you can not forget the footy match during the season….an extended period of time either scream at the umpire/referee, players or the other team’s supporters. There are so many different options to do to keep ourselves entertained.

I often remember weekends back when we were little….trips to the beach, picnic lunches (all home pre-paired), and the entire family – grandparent, aunty and uncles, cousins and the direct family would enjoy the entire day there. I miss those days. 

Well, that is it for me today, there is a lot more I would like to share but my body has said it is rest time. I hope that you are having a wonderful day and that your weeks is just perfect for you. 



It comes down to what I do!

Hello, and I hope that your day has been kind to you. I have not really done much but some cleaning, a little cooking, some writing, and trying to work out just what I really what to do with my life. I think I am over thinking it from what everyone else is either saying or not saying. I have always wanted to be a writer, so I think I will have a go at this as the next chapter in my life. 

I would definitely go the history side of it but whether I would target it to adults or children I am not sure yet. I might even give it a go doing my own illustrations if my painting exercise works out. I certainly know that I am sick to death of doing nothing that I view as productive. I do chores in broken up time frames, for example, I will do the dishes like – glasses, little plates and knives/forks first: then rest for twenty minutes or so and then do the rest. It really is like not having a life and it annoys me, as I was a person who survived on about four hours sleep, and was amazingly productive.

I still love my writing and will spend hours on it, it is not always correct as the stroke has definitely affected my brain, but my doctor has told me that I can get a lot of that back with practice. I am still reading but again it takes me longer because I do not always recognise the words or remember what they mean. And as I have decided to take up painting so letting my brain and hands get their coordination together, I may even illustrations to match the stories.

I have decided to go vegan/vegetarian as the meals are easier to prepare, and there is much evidence that indicates that it is beneficial for the brain recovery. I know the actual weight loss will be difficult as going for daily walks causes my joints problems, and my pain level very rarely drops below six so it honestly does cause me pain to walk. One of the assistants at the gym gave me an exercise sheet that has ten routines that are designed to strengthen my muscles as I lose weight. So I am hoping that I will be able to work it well enough to make a daily walk possible. I am still looking for a public pool that has water aerobics.

It really does not help that I only look like I am overweight, as people treat me with such nastiness, and yes it is noticeable as when I have my walking stick the treatment is entirely different. My medical team has requested that I use it as little as possible for the leg muscles and nerves weaken and make the problem worse. 

I have added two of the pamphlets that I have been given that I thought were great. The pain scale one I liked as I now know how much pain I actually am in rather than just have a wild guess. I have made my mind up that I will not actually take any painkillers until I get to 11 and upward. Below that ice packs and resting up. 

As for the second one I am working on this one, I have put drink more water in for mine January one because I know I certainly do not do that now. I am going to work the rest out and set it up using my new found painting skills and pin it to the wall over my bed.

Well thank you for taking the time to read my blog today and I hope that your day has been treating you with kindness.


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