Just letting it all ride…

A delightful and very happy hello to you, and I hope that your day is treating you like the wonderful person that you are! The sun has come out again here but because of all of the rain, it is still nice and cool so the day has been pretty good. I woke you late as I had such a big day yesterday and my cute (ha-ha) little body can not handle the full-on days that well since the stroke. I am taking it easy today and then doing the downstairs laundry and cleaning it all up so that it looks all neat and tidy tomorrow.

I have done up a list of proper spring cleaning tasks up for myself and have them as my every second-day task. On the odd days, I am going to do an ‘Adrienne’ task such as my handcrafts, writing, getting back into a regular exercise programme and my exploring my potential as the next great artistic artist. I have started my new winter quilt and I really have surprised myself at the quality of my work. It is taking me longer than what it would have before the stroke but I have not dropped a stitch yet…


My poster I am putting on the roof over the bed to remind myself that it is a good day!


I am slowly learning that people who have had strokes and who have unidentified medical conditions, that the doctors are trying to find answers and then treatments for, or cures for often take a lot of time to get where they are going. After my session with my psychologist yesterday I came to the realisation that I have an unrealistic standard for myself and before my medical problems I was able to find ways to use my work and other activities to cover my issues but now I have nothing and I am face to face with it. 

I need to lower the expectations  I have for myself, I am not perfect and never have been, I am allowed to make mistakes, I do not need to be a walking dictionary or encyclopaedia, I can ask for help because I am just a normal person. Because of my background and being the eldest with handicapped siblings, I have grown up thinking that I must be able to do everything perfectly. When I started school I did the same thing as my school community was full of first generation Australians from Greek and Italian backgrounds and I help to cover for my fellow students (friends) when the Sisters of Mercy would get angry with them. I would get the punishment so I learned very quickly how to cope with the negative in life so that no one knew I was in pain or suffering…until last October I had it down to a fine skill.

Over the past fortnight, I have done some really deep thinking I have gone back over my entire life and remember all the things I have lived through. If a young person came into my office with half the horrors I have dealt with I would have an A4 page filled with treatments and activities need to get them back to being anywhere near normal again. I have lived through a major motor vehicle accident at three and half years of age (my direct family was in the hospital for three months and I was with a distant great Aunt), been sexually abused from the age of four to nine, raped by an Uncle at eighteen, abused throughout a private education system, victim of family abuse both physical and verbal. Yep a child of the sixties and everyone wants to know why I was a pothead and drinker in the seventies. 

It was my best friend and little brother’s death that straighten me up and for the most selfish reason that made me claim my life. BJ (Robert ) had a golden heart and the family did not find out until his funeral just how good he really was, (my brother had major brain damage in the car accident I mentioned early) but throughout his twenty-five, on this planet, he had worked hard to overcover most of his restrictions. He took many of the seniors to their shopping on their pension paydays, he mowed lawns, cleaned out drains, and so many other things that older people can no longer do when they are living in their own homes, he also held down a full-time job. And yes he still came out with all of us as any normal young person. He passed on the 14th of December of natural causes in his bed. I promised him at his graveside that I would continue what he was doing for people, the only difference was that I found out that I had a way with the young where he was great with the seniors.

So I think a part of me is feeling that I am letting him down now. I stopped drinking and doing drugs on the 15th of December 1989 and focussed on trying to live up to the BJ I had put on his special pedestal and at the moment I am not good enough to honour him. So when I really started to think about it properly I know that he would give me a huge squeezy cuddle and tell me that I can not help anyone if I am a walking disaster area myself, then he would help me sort myself out, before pushing me back out into the public arena. So I have decided to do what I know he would help me do….yes it will take me a while because it has been nearly 30 years since I lost him so I have him on a pedestal that is really, really high that the messages are just a little out of context now.

I would like to thank you very much for letting me get this all out onto paper and helping me get it all sorted out in my head. I do enjoy going to visit members of the medical profession but because I have always been a reader I carry all these horrid images of ‘sane’ people being locked away because of something simple that was said, and the doctor misunderstood.


I hope that your day/evening is just perfect and you relax as you should xx

Still headding in the right direction!

Well as you know I had to see my psychologist today and I had a good day all in all. I have a new list of tasks set up to do and I feel inspired by it all. I left the house at 6.30 am this morning and did not get back until 4,30pm, unpacked the groceries and have just finished all the task I have set up for me to do each day…I sm very tired but proud of the fact that I have achieved what I had on the list to do.

I hope that your day has treated you with much fun and love and that it is one worth remembering. I always wonder what the other bloggers do during their day or evening. Today I decided to have my hair cut and styled, as it was looking so dreaded and lifeless because of all the medical treatments and medicines I take. This delightful hairdresser has told me that she will be able to keep it look delightful and I am going to pop in every five weeks. I think it looks so good and I think I may even get a colour in the next visit. I think that if the face I have looked back at me from the mirror is someone that looks decent I may find myself more likely to try to achieve or reach for higher standards. 

Well, I have had a really big day so I am going to say goodnight and sweet dreams or have a great day, depending on where you are in the world. Thank you for dropping by to see how my day has been. 

I got a new haircut today, I just needed that pick me up and I am so happy with the finished style.

Learning to love it all again!


Hi to all and I am sorry for not doing a blog yesterday but the weather here has been playing havoc with the internet service. I hope that all is good with you and that the week has been treating you with kindness.

I am off to see my psychologist tomorrow and am actually looking forward to it as I want to start to put a plan in place. I feel that at the moment, and I have given it plenty of thought over the past fortnight, I think just focusing on my food intake is a little like letting me take baby steps. I am four weeks away from 56 and I have faced bigger challenge then this and overcome them, so I am not going to take the easy option this time. 

I am determined to get my weight off and get back to my fifty-two kilos, I may look too thin but that is the correct weight for my body and my bones will be able to carry the flesh, so it will reduce the pain and allow me to build up the muscle so I can actually exercise correctly. I can be one very stubborn lady when I make up my mind and as my body and my brain have been great buddies for about fifty odd years they get on pretty well.

Until the medical profession actually find out what is really wrong with me I do have certain restrictions on what I can do but my eating habits and foods, walking, exercise bike riding, yoga and relaxation music to assist me to go to sleep and help me get the required amount of sleep for good health, will certainly make me feel as if I am heading in the right direction.

I have my relaxation activity, knitting my blanket for winter, needlework such as long stitch, embroidery, my writing, blogging, and of course painting. After what I did in the mental health unit, I really do want to see if I have a natural skill and what it is. I have been looking and there are so many different forms of painting, I certainly prefer the acrylics, but you can do the real-life scene to abstract, so I am going to play with that and see if I have any real skill.

I know that I have now got to the stage were I MUST do something EVERYDAY, it does not have to be raising a building but make sure that I shower, eat, exercise, write, and listen to my relaxing music (maybe yoga) but I need to stop feeling sorry for myself and start to push myself. Yes I did have a turn that left me in a coma for nine days and yes I nearly died but I did not. There are people who are not that lucky and I am sitting here using it as an excuse to not do anything. So I know that I have to aim toward what I need to be to get back to the best possible health I can gain.

I have had anxiety and depression for most of my life and it has not stopped me from doing what I wanted to do, it is just that this time I have to make me the focus and ignore the negative feelings I am directing back in toward myself. Yes, I have a notebook that I am using for the negative ideas, quotes, images and all the other things that go with you hating yourself. I am hoping that if I transfer them to the book then I do not keep them in my head or heart and I can function a little better.

Well thank you for reading all my chatter today but I feel as if I am getting better little by little, I know it is not an overnight cure but every step forward is wonderful and something to be really proud of. Have a wonderful day or evening depending on where you are in the world and I will chat with you tomorrow. xx


Stone Age here we are!


A delightful Sunday to all and thank you for dropping by to see what I have to share. Well, it is not that much as I have been dragged kicking and screaming back to the stone age. A little water from the sky and modern technology disappears. It has been a nightmare and if anyone had said to me in 2000 “Adrienne you will become totally dependent on that little machine I would have broken a rib or two with laughter.”

Oops, all that research I had planned for today is no longer on the cards and I guess I will just have to watch a couple of DVD’s and maybe read a book, colour in a picture, just take it easy. Life is so funny I can remember when I got my first computer. I was a mature aged student and my children were in grade two and three, so of course, they were old hands with that IT stuff…I swore that I would never produce my assignments or do any research on the silly look thing. I did continue to do the bulk of my research the old fashion way but the handwritten assignments lasted about two months. I will be honest I use the computer as the base point for my research but still use books for the actual research (could also be the bookbinder in me)

We are having a heavy wet season here this year the likes of which we have not seen for a while. so that is most like the reason for the problems but for a first world country that is well known for its massive rain season you think that someone would have this sorted by now.

I did enjoy it yesterday afternoon, the kid’s needed some shopping from the little store down the road, so I went down because it was like growing up in the North and walking everywhere in the rain…simply adore it!


Well, I am going off to enjoy my Sunday (with a clear conscience) and I hope that yours is as enjoyable. Thank you for dropping by to see what I am doing with my world.


Northern Floods.

Hello to all and I hope that your Saturday has been kind to you. We have been having a very odd day again. We are having a lot of rain. Summer is generally our wet season but it has been a while since we have had a real one and this is certainly feeling like it at the moment. Right down to the cyclones on the lookout for next week up where I grew up. The pictures above are taken by the main roads department of the Far North region but we are getting water into Northern New South Wales as well. I love the wet season.

Well, I have been having a lazy Saturday and just taking it easy. I am still planning how I am going to regain my former life and as I was thinking back over what I have overcome and what I have achieved during my 50 plus years, I know that all I need to do is get myself into action and actually start doing what I need to do and stop feeling sorry for myself. Okay so I had a close call and was in an Intense Care Unit for nine days….well big deal I have overcome other bad issues in my life and this is no different….it is just that this time I am scared because I do not really know where to go. 

I am going to start with getting my health back to where it should be and find an eating routine that suits me plus an exercise plan  I can cope with. I am also going to find some relaxation I can play at night to help me get to sleep. I have been told that I need to have my computer etc off about two hours before my actual sleep time, do some reading or relaxing activity before going to sleep. Make it a regular activity and the morning the same, sent waking time with exercise before food and shower….then the rest of the day so easy!

Now, I hear you ask what does this have to do with the Northern Floods, well I grew up in the North and yes we would exercise in this and I always felt like a million dollars, we never made any excuse to sidestep our well-being, this is one of the hills that I ran in my better days, I did the Lake Eacham course, dived the Great Barrier Reef and now I am so frightened to leave the house. I have decided to make up one of those little albums with the feats I have achieved during my lifetime and hit life head on again. Yes, I know I will have a battle getting there but I have overcome all the other ones I have faced…so this one is going to be no different.

Well, I hope that you are having a wonderful weekend to date, and that your Sunday spoils you very much!

Routine worked out!

A happy hello to all and I hope that the end of the week has been kind to you. I hope that everyone as a wonderful weekend worked out for themselves and their loved ones. I have surprised myself with what I have been able to achieve this week that I have worked out a routine, and have started getting back into it at my pace.

My son is going to do up an iPod shuffle so that I have MY style of music to listen to and my daughter is going to let me do the housework that I enjoy, cleaning walls, cupboards, dishes and washing the windows, so hopefully that will help me regain my memory and rebuild the loss of muscle density on the left-hand side of my body. Once I have that in a working order I will be able to get myself a pushbike and go riding again.

I have decided that if I want to recover at all I really do need to take it easy…my psychologists and the changing the eating routine showed me that if I actually do follow the direction of my medical team I will actually get there and most likely faster than I could have thought.


Because of all the downtime, I have had this week where I really have had serious thinking time and I have never not been in control of my comings and goings. I have only ever put my two children first for anything and that was only until they became independent and no longer needed me hanging around. Now I have to rely on so many others for assistance that I simply need to accept that I am a mere mortal and take it one step at a time.

I have decided that I want to try my hand at painting, I am going to get back into my knitting, macrame and crocheting, of course, I will continue to do my writing, colouring in for relaxation and my reading because I love it. I am going to research foods and the benefits they have for your health and work out an eating routine for myself. If I have this extra time I may as well use it for my benefit.

Well, thank you again for listening as I sort out what I am going to do on my road to reclaiming my health and wellbeing. I hope that you have a wonderful evening or day depending on where you are! xx

Another late one!


Hi to all and I hope that your day has been good and just as you wanted. I have been helping my daughter doing the last minute bits of housework you need to do before the real estate pops in for the regular house inspection. The kids have the realo in tomorrow, and I have my visit to the psychologists again. So it will be a big day for all.

I suppose for the last day of the week it really is not to bad. I think I will most likely spend the better part of Friday arvo in bed as I have not been coping very well since I saw the specialist on Tuesday. I get a little annoyed when the medical professionals tell me that because I have an education that I should be better then I am or make me feel as if it is just a case of an overweight middle-aged woman looking for an easy out excuse from doing anything.

But I am not going to let it drag me down, as I promised myself that I am going to focus on losing weight by getting my food intake happening as it should and then when I have enough weight off and I can balance on a bike without the risk of me falling off it I will start riding again.

I am working so hard on keeping the mind and body in a happy place, it is hard work but at the end of the day it is in my best interest and I still have so much I want to do with my life and I need to get it working toward that 113 years I once worked out it would take!

Thank you once again for dropping in to read my thoughts for today and I hope that your day has been good and your tomorrow is magical xx

A quick hello to all…..

A belated and quick hello, I think I will be lucky to actually get this posted. the seventh of March, as we have thunderstorms and the weather is playing with the IT system. Now I have that out of the way I will give you a really quick round-up of my medical visit on Tuesday.

I have to go for a full brain scan to see what is happening. The MIR is not as it should be, so that is four now with four different results. They all so want me to have my spine, both hips and knees x-ray or scanned to see what can be done to fix the other problems. I have a curve of the spine and it also looks like my hips are not lined up. I MUST get back to 54kilos as the specialists said that it will certainly make a difference in being able to control the pain and with being able to build up my muscle tone to support the problems I have with the bones. 

So while it may not sound like great news, it certainly gives me a focus and direction. I know that my GP will have some answers to the hip and knee problems.

Again, thank you for joining me and I hope that your day tomorrow is wonderful.

What we are having at the moment…and it keeps dropping out the IT.


Off to the doctors we go…


A sweet hello to all and I hope that the first day of the week has been kind to you. I have had a very busy day today as I have to go to the mainland and see one of my specialists tomorrow. I have been doing a little of the housework I sorta ignored over the weekend.  

Visiting the Specialist is not that bad. I know many complain because you can wait for ages. I pack a lunch, take a book to read and some knitting, then sit there quite happily listening to the others complaining because the doctors are not treating us like a number. I would much rather the doctor take a little extra time and get me the help I need then keep the role over of patience to a timetable.

This is the one that the doctors had no answer for what had made me collapse and kept me in the hospital for seven days before they had me stabilized enough to release. I know that they have found something as the followup appointment was initially meant to be for the end of March but now that the Specialists as the MIR he has changed it to three weeks earlier.

Anyway, my friends, I am off to finish organising my odds and bods for tomorrow then gonna catch some sleep as it is an early start and a long day. Have a good and  happy day all xx

It takes a lot of time to get organised to see the specialist.



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