Who has the dartboard?

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There are days when nothing works…

A delightful hello to you and good wishes for the day. I am writing this from my bed as I am in a full on blown up fibro flare up. In short, that means nothing on me is working, my brain has gone on holidays, the body has chatted the bones to go into a protest against the muscles, and it takes everything I hear about twenty minutes to filter to the brain. I am continuing to make a difference for me on these flare-ups.

This will not be a long blog as my mind is really not working but I have made myself that promise that I would do a blog each day unless there is a really serious reason I can not. I have a big week this week as I have to go and get my tablets tomorrow (and I have promised my doctor that I would walk the trip to the boat from home – about 3 k) and some food. We have a public holiday here on Wednesday so I will be able to rest up, but on Thursday I have to go to my doctor for a chat about the x-rays. 

On Friday I am going to sort out my tablet as I have my arts and crafts stuff in a huge mess, I spend time looking for bits and pieces when I need them and I should have them so I can just pick them up.  I really do find comfort doing the crafts but when I have a fibro flare up I can not do anything with excessive pain, and no ability to remember.

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You just can not give up but rather let the body go with it.

 

Up, Down, Up, Dow…

Hello, and I am hoping that your Sunday is treating you well. 

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Well, my Sunday is turning into a non-event. I woke up late, having used half the night getting to sleep. I have absolutely no energy, and really can not be bothered trying to find some motivation to do anything. I have found enough power to get my morning porridge done but given that I soak it overnight and just have to microwave it to have it finished, I really cannot be overly pleased with this.

I have my evening meal done as I had enough energy in me last night to do up a double portion of steamed veggies in the creamy Italian sauce.  This is what I dislike the most about my fibro is when you go from having what you call your ‘normal’ to having a flare-up and with my other medical issues, I cannot be really sure if I need to call the ambulance or just stay in bed.

So I am not going to argue with Mother Nature and who is in control of my body, I am going to follow the big plan and simply spend the day in bed, watching movies and going to fridge to fill the hunger. I know that the idea of a blog is to reason something out, comment on an issue that is bugging you, but sadly today I do not have that level of energy. 

I wish you a wonderful Sunday and hope that the lead into the week is perfect. xx

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My Heart!

Hello, and I hope that your day has treated you well and you have magical plans arranged for Sunday. I went out walking with a friend this afternoon, she has bipolar and a couple of other issues so we get on well. That is not a negative comment but rather a simple fact that many people who have any form of difference from the mainstream community will understand.  We started talking about the various ways we feel and how we can often miss ideas, emotions etc that ‘normal’ people feel because our brain is on some sort of holiday or having a temper hissy-fit. We also decided that this is most likely why those of us with mental health issues tend to form friendships with those who know what we go through.

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That got me thinking about the way the human body works and just how we work out all the bits and pieces. Your brain thinks for you and keeps you doing what you need to do…when you need to shower, go to work or school, the information you are taught and how to use it. Your kidneys help the body to stay clean, but most people would not know where to find them, and of course, you need to mention the gallbladder and liver…very important organ.

The stomach lets you know when you are hungry and the bowel system will tell you that you need to rid yourself of the used food. Your lungs allow you to breathe in and out, this one is very important in the process of greeting each day. And the heart pumps the blood around the body, cleaning the blood and taking what it needs. If you get any continued pains with any of these organs you should go to the doctor and seek help. 

Until last June I really had not paid much attention to where my various organs were or what their jobs are. I had no reason to know any of this information myself but now with the various medical people I visit, I am slowly learning about how the body really works. This got me thinking about my feelings…the ones where you fall over and hurt yourself are easy, I am talking about the ones when you lose a loved one and it really does feel as if there is something stabbing your heart with a massive collection of knives, trying to get it to stop!

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How the heart works, pumping the blood around the body…and feeling for those we love?

I know that the heart pumps blood through the body and the brain thinks so where does this feeling come from. You break a bone and that is from the break itself. My brain is not working as it should because I cannot recall information as I should and this includes my own name which I have heard for the past 56 years. So I ended up with this huge question “just where do our emotions come from?” 

Thank you for joining me as I blog about the question that has been bothering me. Please feel free to share the answer if you know. Enjoy your Sunday xx

The Power of a Memory!

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Brisbane and a thunderstorm

Good Evening to you and I hope that your Friday has been gentle so that you are easing into the weekend. We are having a wonderful thunderstorm here at the moment and anyone who reads my blogs on a regular basis will know just how much I love this wonderful display from Mother Nature.

I grew up in North Queensland through the 60s and back then we would get cut off from the rest of the state because of the rain but as a child, it was so much fun. Barefooted, walking to the different places because the roads were blocked off and playing/swimming in the flood waters. No parents issuing the warning about the risks involved for us in flood water.

 

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Ravenshoe – Far North Queensland.

I guess that all those wonderful emotions have not left me and that when the rain, lighting and thunder sets in I go back to a time when life was peaceful. I still find comfort in that sort of weather and I have people looking at me as if I am completely insane walking through the rain without an umbrella or raincoat. I guess that childhood ritual of dancing in the first storm of the season has never left me nor has the rainstorms lost their ability to make my life feel so much better.

 

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The Barron Falls in Flood.

I am finishing with the waterfalls that were just up the road from Cairns (where I grew up) and what it looks like during the wet season. In the North we do not have the traditional four seasons as many other places do, it is simply the Wet or the Dry season. I think it is because of the simple approach we had to live in the North because of the Wet season and the fact that we were cut off and left to look after ourselves that I take so much comfort from the wonderful thunderstorms we have.

Thank you for joining me on this blog and I hope that you are happy. May your weekend treat you with much love and happiness. 

 

 

Afraid of the Unknown…

As usual, I will say that I hope you are having a lovely day/night at whatever part of the world you call home. I actually enjoy the idea of being able to talk to people from around the planet. The exchange of ideas and being able to see that there are others who share problems and hopes is very comforting as I often feel like a single unit with all of this closing in on me.

Yesterday I had problems that I could not line up and I struggled to get myself through the day, so today I have been going through my notebook so I could get some idea of what happened and where I am at the moment. Reading my notes and my blog from yesterday it looks like all of this could go all the way back to 1999 and a back injury in the working place.

I am sitting here this morning belittling myself because I did not push hard enough when the doctors back then told me that there was no real damage and it was just a result of me have the kids then returning to the industry. My boss then decided to finish me up so I could not hurt myself anymore. Now for nearly the past twenty years the bones and muscles have adjusted themselves to try to support whichever part of my body was hurting the worst off at the most risk.

Now it is seeing what can be done to fix the bones and muscles up (weight loss will still be top of the list)  to a lever that can be getting them doing what they should do. I will still have the problems with my head and brain as that is now a primary condition that has occurred because of the malignant of the spine for all those years. This means, for me, that I now have a void of the unknown until the medical profession can get my head stable so that the work can start of the massive mess with my bones and muscles.

I thank you again for reading my words. I hope that your day/night is treating you with love and kindness. Stay safe until we chat again!

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We Can Not Ignore Anything.

Hello to all those of you that are game enough to read my blog. I hope that all is good for you and your life. It is late here and I have had a really big day so tonight’s blog will most likely be short. I do have a little annoyance that I need to air, so I am going to do it here and now.

I visited my psychologist today and we really had a serious conversation as I am not in a good shape today. I am having one of my nothing works day, that is I cannot retain any information, I can not recall anything, my memory goes on holiday without any warning, in short, I can not be a normal person.

My psychologist took me through my medical history from where I started to have problems and that goes back to 1999. Before that, I was a single Mum (ex-husband left us 1996) working part-time in my industry and being a Mother the rest of the time. After this accident, it was put away as just bad luck because those two back discs are the ones that would have had the most pressure for the pregnancy then back to my trade.  

Now the psychologist has backed the request for the x-ray to go to my doctor and see what damage there is and just how bad it is. She said that from the injury occurring to now the body would have tried to fix it up which would then have caused more problems until we have got to where we are now.

She has said that if there is nothing there we can then look at the next thing on the list. She is pretty certain that my current problems will go back to the earlier problems not having been treated probably. So hopefully they will be able to work this out for me and it will be getting my body lined up again. I will still have the current issues because the problems with the spine and bones have been ignored for so long. But to have a starting point and know I can fix it will be great.

Thank you again for reading my blog. I hope that your next day is wonderful for you.

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The New Gossip Format!

Hello to all and I hope that the day has been your friend. Again today it will be a short blog as I have a full day tomorrow, with the medical experts. I am going to chat about how the internet impacts on lives and it is not always for the good. When the internet first started it was restricted because of the cost so the average person there really had no interest in it. Then we had a breakthrough and it was acceptable to all.

To start will this was a good thing as people from all around the world could talk to each other, information was easily accessible and it made working easy…well that was the idea.  I can not remember the number of times that I heard that the workload had increased as we did it by hand but still completed it on the computer. 

Then we had the birth of an array of programmes that allowed the average person to chat with one and all, to see with was happening in places they had never heard of. I think the best know one was Facebook. I do not think that it has necessarily been a blessing for all. There is the benefit of support networks and the members supporting each other, but there has also been the spreading of erroneous conversations which have caused stress and cost people friendships. 

Since I got sick and was in the hospital for the fifteen days I have noticed just how negative the internet can be. I did not have any computer access for fifteen days and after that, I did not and could not interact as I was recovering and I have damage to my memory and skills attached to everything in my life including my use of the computer. My friends here became divided into two groups, those who have stuck by me and those who all of a sudden had issues with ‘Facebook’ and were opting out.  

Thanks to one of the online people I have been informed about the web support in groups that have a common connection via illness. So I have what the internet was designed for and that is to be able to bring the world to your dining room. 

Thank you again for reading my thoughts for today. I hope that your next twenty-four fours is wonderful and bring you much happiness.

 

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It should support is in our life NOT be the device that controls us!

 

Battle Plan!!!

cheery hello and I hope that all is good with you. I am only going to be short today as it is my birthday and I have the birthday things to attend to! I hope that all has been got for you and the day has treated you well. 

I have decided that this time next year I am going to be sitting here as a new, remade version of myself. I know that I have not been dealing with anything very well since I have that turn in June last year but I have decided that I have to take control of my life. I have been upset with the little steps I have taken and the small progress in my return back to my old self. Now that the Doctor has told me that I will not have that happen, that I just have to work with what I have, then that is what I will do. 

I have read so many stories from other people who have overcome the most horrid issues and it has all been because they were strong enough to commit themselves to their own wellbeing and health so they could defeat what stood in there way.  

I will be perfectly honest and state that I thought that this has been a punishment for something I had done wrong and I shouldn’t have survived. The night I had that turn I was not mean to have anyone over. My survival was a mistake, but if I look at it the other way, that I had people there so I did survive that makes it completely different. And this is more in keeping with my normal looking on the good side of any problem. 

So that is it for me and this birthday…I am going to spend the next 365 days making sure I achieve something I can put down as a YES toward the new me and my recovery. Each day will have a bonus to add to my journal. Today is day one with this decision, a walk and to lose weight by taking an eating routine seriously.

That is it for me today and I wish to thank you very much for taking the time to read this. I hope that your Monday is just perfect.

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Birthdays are special!

A wonderful hello to all and I hope that your day/evening has been as sweet as you could possibly hope for! I have done a little housework late this afternoon as I woke with a massive migraine this morning. Now that I am feeling a little better I decided to jump on the computer and have a chat on my blog. I really enjoy talking to everyone on here as well as reading what you have all been up to. It allows me to see that I have people like me all over the world. I am so grateful for the support that I have been given on my really bad days and appreciative of the conversation on the other days.

Well, tomorrow is my 56th birthday and I am so pleased that I am here to celebrate it. I really do not have anything planned for it apart from an afternoon walk with some friends. I do have to go to the mainland to get my scripts filled for some of my tablets, but I think I will leave that to Tuesday or Wednesday as the number of shoppers isn’t quite as heavy mid-week. Anyway, I am still doing up my plans for what I want to do and how I will be able to finance it all. I do have to reorganise some of the things I have in my journal, as the medical team from last week’s stay in the hospital gave me a few new problems that I need to work on.

I am really amazed at how the difference in my thinking changes when you find out that you are really lucky to be here. That lovely Doctor who let it slip that I am really, truly lucky to be here has done me such a huge favour, I know that this is going to sound childish and self-centred but until he let that slip I had been under the impression that I had just had an odd turn. Thanks to him I know that it was very serious and the small amount of brain damage I have makes me incredibly lucky. 

The lovely doctor told me that there are parts of my memory that will never return, but there is no reason I can not get my head working again. He also told me that I will need to take more notice of when I am having my off periods and rest as needed. I do have issues like my watery eyes that are part of the damage from the coma…again a small sacrifice to still be here.  Know that I have this extra information and can better understand why my body behaves has it does, I will be more likely to cope.

That is it for today and yet again I thank you for your time that you have given up to read my blog. I hope that your day/night is wonderful. 

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Tomorrow is my 56th birthday and I am very happy about it!

 

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